I Cried on the Inside

One day, I walked into a room to see one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

A young woman, 23 years old, leaning back on her daddy while sitting on their couch, listening to his rumbling voice as he read a letter from family friends to her. It was christmas day 2009.

It was a simple thing... nothing unusual for that family. Normal.

For me it was unusual. I had seen many children with their parents, many girls with their daddies. However, I don't think that I had ever walked in onto such a simple yet intimate moment between father and daughter. It wasn't her graduation day. It wasn't her wedding day. It wasn't even the day that she had returned from a long trip away. They weren't even being snuggly because it was christmas day. It was really, just another day in their house. Normal.

Why is it such a sweet thing? Well, it is an awesome thing to see a daddy with his little girl, even if she isn't so little anymore.

Isn't such an awesome, beautiful image for God as our Father.

Many of us have not had righteous God fearing fathers. Many of us don't know what it is to have a father's love. Many of us do not know what it brings with it.

What do many people know of fathers? Criticism, indifference, dogmatism (there's a big word for you!), hatred, distance.

They (the mysterious they) say that children who have not had a godly human father struggle to understand how to relate to God the Father. They say, that these people project their image of their earthly fathers onto God and struggle to have a real relationship with God because of it.

They are right! How can a person know something other that what they do know? Seriously, how could a person who has one definition in their minds of what a father is, have a different definition of God the Father?

I have to say that over many years God has been changing my view of what Father means, of what a daddy does. He has used different people, my friend's fathers to show me what fathering looks like.

He used a few directly, one in particular, to show me what it means to be fathered in an everyday sense. (Thank you Poppa!)

There has been much healing in my heart concerning the lack of a human daddy in my life. There has been much forgiveness and peace concerning that whole thing.

However, I have to say that on that Christmas day, sitting, watching my friend and her daddy, I felt like I was intruding on something special... like I shouldn't be in their space. They weren't bothered of course and told me to feel free to come in and sit in the living room with them, which I did. I left after a little while because it was so uncomfortable to be there and intrude.

I confess that I cried on the inside... I cried because it was truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I cried because more daughters should be held like that by their daddies. I cried because I knew that I would never, ever have that in this lifetime with a human father. I cried because deep in my heart I know that God the Father loves me more than my friend's dad loved her, or more than any father could love any daughter.

Today I cry, on the inside, because there are too many daughters and sons growing up not knowing the love of a good father. There are too many daughters and sons growing up with the wrong impression of God as a father because they have no frame of reference for good fathering. There are too many daughters and sons growing up rejecting God because, why would they want another father who will only regard them with indifference, or disgust. I cry on the inside because our world is quickly loosing the closest frame of reference to God on this earth...i.e. healthy, loving families.

If you have never known the love of a good father, or if your good father has failed you in too many painful ways... take heart! There is a father who knows what He is doing and He does it for His sake (Glory) yes, but also for your sake, because of how much He loves you! He gave His life so that you could have life, abundantly. There is no darkness, indifference, nor malice in Him towards you. Only love!

Perhaps it is time to stop we crying on the inside, and to cry out to Him... DADDY!