Painting Pictures of Egypt

"But the places that used to fit me,
Cannot hold the things I've learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned!" Taken from Painting Pictures of Egypt by Sara Groves

Have you ever left a place for a long time and then returned to it... and it feels so familiar but... NOT! ?
I travel a fair amount on this 'wonderful' missions experience and recently returned home on furlough. Although I am staying in a house that wasn't one that I grew up in it was still familiar to me. The trouble is the country that I once called home, no longer feels like home. I guess that I knew somewhere in my heart that it would not feel like home again, but the experience of it was quite strange.
In general this is how I feel... as if there is nowhere that feels like home at the moment. Returning to SA will be nice... nice to get back to work... nice to see others that I know again... but I am fairly sure that it won't feel like home... not really.
It's as if the things that were comfortable before now are familiar but hold no real joy or peace. This leaves me feeling a little like, what really brings me joy or peace?

"It's not about losing faith, It's not about trust, It's all about comfortable, When you move so much. And the place I was wasn't perfect, But I had found a way to live, And it wasn't milk or honey, But then neither is this"

We like to stay were we are in life, in our hearts, and physically. It is safe and comfortable. Once we move, the discomfort of not being in control and not knowing tends to make us long for the past that we knew... rather like the Israelites in Egypt. We look back at it and decide it was better because we at least knew how to deal with it, we knew what to expect. We realise that it wasn't that great but hey where we are now isn't great either. Somewhere inside we need to decide to move onto whatever God wants/has for us... no matter the cost to our comfort.

When I look back at who circumstances should have made me to be, and who I was, then I compare it to who I now am... I know that discomfort for a short time is worth it... but often I forget.

A part of me wants to go back to Egypt... but having visited it... I never will!